I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
