You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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