shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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