My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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