Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
