I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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