from now on my penis is your penis
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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