wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize