My friends, they love my intelligence
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
