The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
