All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize