I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
