Don't make out with my wife yet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need a burrito and a hug.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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