Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
