He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
