I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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