the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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