You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
