I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
