Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
