She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
