This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
