Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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