so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
