Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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