Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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