I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?