im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way