peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts