Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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(734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.

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(813): I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this. http://tfl.nu/6tpg

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(905): View more from Toronto

FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.

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(905): FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk. http://tfl.nu/mb8o

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(206): View more from Washington

When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?

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(206): When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle? http://tfl.nu/8gva

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(303): View more from Colorado

i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell

(720): View more from Colorado

That's the classiest thing you've ever said.

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(303): i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell (720): That's the classiest thing you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/sstw

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(404): View more from Georgia

Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?

(1-404): View more from Georgia

did you answer or finish?

(404): View more from Georgia

both

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(404): Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called? (1-404): did you answer or finish? (404): both http://tfl.nu/gzoz

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(407): View more from Florida

cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

(1-407): View more from Florida

the diet of an alcoholic...

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(407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.

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(484): I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere. http://tfl.nu/zvpn

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?

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(601): Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time? http://tfl.nu/q1z9

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(845): View more from New York

she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave

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(845): she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave http://tfl.nu/ylty

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(317): View more from Indiana

Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.

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(317): Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day. http://tfl.nu/olid

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(316): View more from Kansas

Ecstasy should be its own food group.

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(316): Ecstasy should be its own food group. http://tfl.nu/46zl

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.

(1+44): View more from

Doesn't she keep a spare?

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.

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(+44): You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys. (1+44): Doesn't she keep a spare? (+44): Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans. http://tfl.nu/5sic

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF

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(304): Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF http://tfl.nu/pima

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(815): View more from Illinois

When did angry sex become our thing?

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(815): When did angry sex become our thing? http://tfl.nu/g3vv

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