Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
