i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My hand turned me down
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im having a threesome with these popsicles
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit