There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
3pm strippers are depressing
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
