I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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