Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
