Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
