You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
