i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
