I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
