just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
