I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i think i just lost a toe
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
