i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
