The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
