I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
did i just pee glitter
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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