My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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