So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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