Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
