I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
