I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
