when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
