you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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