Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
