I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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