What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
