Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
