You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
