I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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