I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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