I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I won the penis lottery.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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