My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
