i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im holly from the hills drunk
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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