that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
