I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
