Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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