Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
