WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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