pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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