he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
