we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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