i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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