when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
