he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
