We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize