well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
