Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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