so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
