I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
