$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
