you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
