I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
