I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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