I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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